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10/23/00- Presidential Candidates Debate UM/MSU Vice Presidential Candidate Dick Cheney made an appearance at the UM/MSU football game. I wonder what the Presidential Candidates would say about the game. Moderator: Welcome to our debate. Mr. Bush the first question is for you: Are you a Wolverine fan or a Spartan fan? Bush: Thank you. I don't want to be negative. I want to state my position very clearly. I am FOR football. I don't want to say who I am for or against but I think my record shows that I have a record of bringing people together. Moderator: Excuse me Mr. Bush but what was your answer- Michigan or Michigan State? Bush: Now I've said time and time again we need get away from this culture of distrust. I am for football- that is unless you're against football and then we'll need to have a dialog. Moderator: Uh, OK. Mr. Gore the next question is for you- How do you feel about football as a sport? Gore: Well, I have to say that I love football. As matter of fact I invented football. It was right after I invented the Internet. But I want to address my opponent's response to the first question. It's obvious that he's a Wolverine fan. He wants to give the largest tax cuts to the top 1%. That's obviously UM graduates...I just wish that he would come out and admit it. Moderator: Now Mr. Gore let me ask the questions... Bush: Now hold on. I'm tired of these lies being told about me. Do I plan on giving a tax cut to every American? Yes. But my opponent wants to target only Spartans for tax relief. I want to give the surplus back to everyone- it's your money not the government's. Moderator: Mr. Bush- Who won the football game? Bush: Well, you may think that Michigan won. But how can anybody win when the highest office in the land is without... Gore: Cough!! Bush: ...dignity? We need to restore our military. Our soldiers... Gore: Sigh!! Bush: ...need to have the best equipment in the world. Gore: Now it's obvious that my opponent has no grasp of the issues. The score was 14-0 for Michigan but Michigan State had 30 more yards! Who can ignore statistics like that? Bush: Now there my opponent goes with that fuzzy math...I'm going to talk plain here and people will understand what I'm saying. Being from the great State of Tennessee, Mr. Gore has been against Michigan ever since Charles Woodson beat Peyton Manning for the Heisman Trophy in 1997. Gore: Speaking of the Heisman Trophy, as a matter of fact I was quite the athlete while in high school. The statue was modeled after me. Moderator: OK, we want to thank the candidates for addressing this very serious issue. MAKE SURE YOU VOTE ON NOVEMBER 7th! Go Blue! |
